What happens if both the accused and accuser conducted in mutual adult oriented conversation and there is a history of it?

A co-worker and I chatted on FB where both parties used adult oriented memes in a jovial banter. Additionally, at one point, she made a racial oriented statement towards me which I found offensive but did not report her given we were friends and this banter was not conducted on company communication medium. There is a history in our FB chats of a mutual conversation where she also informed me of her desire for her manager and often sent me pictures of him (whom I knew as well). Nonetheless, a complaint against me was filed by her and I was terminated for harassing her.

1 answer  |  asked Sep 23, 2020 07:59 AM [EST]  |  applies to New York

Answers (1)

V Jonas Urba
Not good. How do you actually know what she was thinking? Offensiveness rests in the eyes of the beholder. Would you have any idea what I might find offensive? Absolutely not since you and I have never met and you have no clue regarding who I am.

Same goes for her. Maybe she was setting you up. Maybe she has ulterior motives and wants your job or thought it might be funny to get you fired? Neither you nor I know that.

Your scenario happens much more often than you might think. I recall years ago a gentleman who failed to report a co-worker who shared that their spouse was simply no longer doing it for them. The potential client did not report this co-worker. Then one day the potential client was sick and pushed the co-worker away hoping the co-workers would not catch the virus. The co-worker, who probably would have been fired had the potential client reported the comment about their spouse, went to human resources, alleged that being pushed away to not get sick was offensive, and the potential client was fired.

What's the moral of the story? Never, ever discuss romantic issues with anyone about anyone at work. And if any employee discusses or shares personal romantic issues with you report them to protect yourself. That's simply the best policy or else the person you think is your friend might become your foe to suit their own interests.

posted by V Jonas Urba  |  Sep 23, 2020 08:54 AM [EST]

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