Male Same Sex Sexual Harassment Guidance

I'm male and I have a situation where another male is attempting to file sexual harassment against me because he is saying that I said he was going to hell for being gay.

First: this male has made sexual comments to me in the past. One example: I saw him smoking outside and he tried to hide the cigerette. I said too late I already saw you smoking and told him that wasn't good for his health. He siad that he needed something to releive his stress and it was either smoking or sex and he wasn't getting much of that lately so unless I could help him with that (sex) he was smoking. I replied, well yea I guess you'll have to keep smoking then and walked away. That was just one example.

I never filed a sexual harassment claim or told anyone because I felt that there was not a need. I did not want to drag him through such a claim. Also I had nothing to gain or nothing to lose by filing a claim.

After many months of little incidents like the one I mentioned above he kept pestering me that he needed to talk to me. So finally I went to see him when I had to drop off some paperwork at the office and I asked him "so, what do you want to talk to me about?" He began to tell me how stressed he was and hated his boss and how down and depressed he was and on and on. Since I knew he was gay (from the sexual remarks he had said to me in the past) I asked him if he struggled with homosexuality? Not in the sense of asking him if he was gay or not but in the sense if he thought that may be the root of his unhappyness. first he said "no", then he said "well, yes."

So I said to him that I would share a personal situation in my life with him. As an adelosant I was sexually abused for several years by anohter man. this left me as a late teen very confused and even questioned my own sexuality. But because of my faith in Christ I knew this was not the life I desired and I sought help and healing to overcome this. but just because I've made it my life choice not to follow that type of life, it is a life that I am familiar with and I've been involved in Christian ministry dealing with this issue for people who desire a different life course. I shared that if he too is feeling unhappy with this type of life there are many resources available to help people overcome undesired feeling like this. He said that perhaps. Maybe if he ever gets to a point where he feels that he just can't take it anymore he might consider it. I shared my faith in Christ with him and said that was fine but please understand that there will come a time when God will say He's too has had enough and we all die a physical death and when we do there are no do-overs. at the end of our conversation he said he felt so much better and he gave me his personal e-mail address and asked me to e-mail him. I told him I do not correspond with work people outside of work but he insisted to give me the paper with his e-mail address on it. I've never e-mailed him. he said he wanted to talk again sometime.

To make a long story short I was shocked when he now filed a sexual harassment claim against me! He is turning the table on me now. He actually has sexually harassed me but because of my faith I chose not to make a claim against him but rather show compassion and understanding. My faith believes that just as Christ has extended grace to me (a sinner) I too must extend the same compassion and grace to others who have sinned against me or have wronged me.

his sexual harassment claim against me is that I told him that homosexuals were going to burn, rot and die in hell forever. I never said that at all. I simply shared with him my faith and the life path that I've chosen. Everyone is free to take whatever life path they choose. I believe he is misinterpriting me saying that God too will come to a point where he will say He's had enough too and we all die a physical death and when we do there are no do-overs. He's taking that and saying that I said homosexuals will burn, rot and die in hell forever.

Furthermore, I feel that he is taking advatage of the compassion and grace I extended to him by simply overlooking his sexual comments to me. I overlooked it because, first I never thought this would ever happen and second because as I said, I've been involved in Christian ministry that deals with sexual addictions, same sex attractions and relational brokenness. so I understand some of the mind set in those that live this kind of life. I did not want to cause more damage and brokenness in his life by making a claim against him. I've prayed for him. So, since I did not ever report his behavior I think that he is thinking that he's going to get me by filing his own sexual harassment claim against me. I think it stems from the fact that I never accepted any of his advances but rather finally had a conversation with him to told him that the homosexual life conflicts with my faith, therefore I chose not to go that direction in my life. Perhaps this offended him. but I simply shared it from the view point that FOR ME that was not the life I wanted to live but I understand everyone does not share may same views.

So, in closing.....I'm not sure what I really did that would justify sexual harassment. I did not come in contact with him physically, I've never asked him to meet inside or outside of work, I've never said any type of sexual jokes to him or attempted to make any type of sexual advances towards him. so, could it still be considered sexual harassment just by me saying that this is not the life choice for me? Afterall, he is the one that has made it known that he was gay. I've never indicated to him or anyone that I was that way at all. I don't see how he can take a personal and private conversation we had in which he shared of his sexual preferences very openly with not being uncomfortable about it at all, and even to go as fare at the end of the conversation to say he was so glad that we talked and he felt so much better and he insisted I take his person e-mail address. If he felt harassed why would he at the of the conversation insist on giving me his personal e-mail address? It doesn't make any sense.

Just one last thing. He did go and tell a couple other managers that I told him he was going to burn, rot and die in hell becasue of his sexual preference and he told people that I used vulger language like the F word which is absolutely absurb. Everybody I work with knows I NEVER use foul language and they know my policy regarding it. So, when I learned that he had gone around and told a couple other managers this about me I did confront him on it and told him I did not appreciate what he had done and told him not to discuss my personal business that I shared with him which I thought was in confidence with anyone else. It was after this, (after confronting him about spreading untruths to other people about me) is when he decided to file a sexual harassment claim agianst me. so I also feel like it is a bit of retaliation because he knew he got caught telling other managers about this and I called him out on it.

Anyway, if you could please share with me some of your thoughts and perspective based on what I've shared with you I would really appreciate it. I understand you can only provide me with guidance and perspectives based on what I wrote and you do not have the other side of the story. So I understand your feedback will be based only on the information I've given you here.

Thanks so much,

Brad

0 answers  |  asked Jan 20, 2012 11:17 PM [EST]  |  applies to Georgia

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